Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Egg shells and baby steps

The older Scarlett gets the more exciting each stage becomes to Chris and I.  Crawling quickly turned to walking, which turned into opening drawers, which turned into pulling things out of drawers, which turned into a messy house all of the time.  Our days fly by with Scarlett in the center.  I drop her off in the morning, Chris picks her up in the afternoon, I come home, we walk to Henry's and pick something up for dinner, we make dinner, we eat dinner, I feed Scarlett and put her to sleep, I make Scarlett food/do dishes/crash on the couch, Chris finishes school work and before we know it it is 9pm and we are both exhausted and have saved no energy for each other.  Each step Scarlett conquers the more time and energy Chris and I spend trying to keep up with our lives.  It is more true now than ever in our marriage the importance of communication and these last few weeks have been nothing but one communication failure after another.  We have spent most of our evenings pouring our emotion into Scarlett, when we do get time alone there is nothing but a wall to climb and egg shells to tread before healthy communication even thinks about taking root. 

It could be the sudden lifestyle change from summer to fall or the fact that we are finally allowing ourselves to lift the lid off our underlying knowledge that we are two completely opposite people.  Throw Scarlett into the mix and we become a jumbled mess of emotional outbursts, overused apologies and extended moments spent trying to explain what we were "really" trying to say.  Regardless of the cause, the outcome has been taking its ugly toll on both of us.  Emotionally, physically and mentally.

Yet, one of the unexplainable joys of marriage is that Chris and I go to bed every night and wake up every morning with love.  I find inner joy in the moment when I open my eyes and see his face for the first time that day.  A new day, a new start, a new chance to make it better than the last.  The wall is shortened and the egg shells are harder to crack, we are renewed and ready to embrace each baby step toward the end of this crazy season of life and come out on the other side with a stronger marriage and healthy family.

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