Friday, July 29, 2011

These days...

After a Thursday like yesterday with my sweet little girl, I wonder why I am still working?

Scarlett and I had the best day together.  Every once in a while I am reminded how much fun it is to be Scarlett's mom.  I love being a mom, and some days I come to the end and just wish Scarlett and I could have four more hours together.  On those nights I usually sneak into her room and sit on the couch listening to her rhythmic breathing, letting my overwhelmed heart flow in the form of tears, thanking God for the blessing of this wonderful life.

As I sit at my desk this morning I find myself missing her more than ever.  The second that I walked into the building a fog fell over me and took my happy high and changed it into a solemn heart wrenching "I miss my daughter" low.   Every day she is becoming more self sufficient, learning more words, putting together more sentences, singing her alphabet, counting to ten, she is a sponge soaking up the world around her.  She repeats every word and remembers it, bringing it out when the timing is just right.  Every second that I sit at this desk is a second that I am missing in her ever changing life.  It makes me sad that I am not the one feeding her lunch, putting her down for a nap, teaching her to say "please" and "thank you".  Every time she learns something new a little part of me breaks knowing that I wasn't the one to teach it to her.

So, I start to reevaluate our budget, questioning what I can cut out to save money and the answer is always "nothing".   I have to work and I have been lucky enough to find a job that fits perfectly with our life style.  They have been caring and understanding allowing me to cut my job to a part time position.  Here I am sitting at my desk, having a pity party for myself, when  I know Chris and I are so blessed to have jobs and people in our lives that we love and trust to help us raise such a wonderful little girl.   I get Scarlett two full week days and she gets to experience so much more because of the people that watch her for the other three.  I should be thankful.  But still my heart is sad, missing my little girl, so I let the party continue knowing tomorrow is another Scarlett filled day.  Bring it on!


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2 comments:

  1. This brought tears to my eyes. I love that you share your love for Scarlett with these "journal" entries. For those who don't have children it gives me a chance to see the love a mother has for her children and even further the joy and heartbreak that you feel for your sweet little one.
    I love these entries and I encourage you to keep writing them :)

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  2. so sweet! loving your blog!!

    xoxox
    jenna duty

    www.thedutyfamily.blogspot.com

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