Weekend alone

Jul 6, 2010

I woke Saturday morning and rolled over to face a vast cold open space of nothing... Chris was gone this weekend and this was the first time I was by myself with Scarlett overnight.  I usually wake in the middle of the night, roused from my deep sleep by his hot breath sticking to my face and promptly roll over to escape, but for some reason I woke up missing his warm air in the bed next to me...I felt so alone.  I longed to embrace his breath and make it my own, to roll over and wrap my arm around his chest for warmth.  I know this is super dramatic for one night away, but on this one Saturday morning, laying still and staring longingly at the empty space beside me, it hit me that I am lonely with out him.

There was just something that was missing from this Saturday morning.  There was no one to enjoy the first fits of laughter coming from Scarlett's sleepy mouth with, no one to play rock, paper, scissors to "win" the chance to crawl from under the warmth of our bedding and change her morning diaper, no one to look over at with sleep lingering in the corner of their eyes and discuss the list of "to do's" for the day.  There was just me and Scarlett..and although we still enjoyed the first light of the day with each other, our laughter wasn't as bright and playtime wasn't as memorable.

So I kept myself busy and waited till I could hear footsteps on the stairs, keys in the door and the familiar voice of my husband saying "I'm home" and in that moment the uneasiness of his absence melted and I was no longer alone.

(Sorry for all of the wordy posts lately...there are plenty of pictures on the way!)