A little slothful...

Jun 24, 2011

I have been feeling really overwhelmed lately.  I stopped creating.  When I come home from work, I just want to sit, read a book, take a bath, or close my eyes.  I have all of these ideas of things that I want to do, places I want to go, crafts I want to start and I just can't motivate myself to do it.  I don't know.  Maybe it is the beginning of summer.  Chris always says that summer is his most spiritually and emotionally slothful three months of the year.  I think this is what I am feeling.  Although schedules haven't changed, I feel busier, when in fact I spend most nights at home, evenings that should be relaxing turn into self pity for my lack of motivation.  

Maybe I am relying too much on Chris, knowing that he is home with Scarlett every day, I expect him to clean, cook and serve me after a long day of work.  We have always had a really open understanding that we would help eachother with daily tasks and that we would serve one another equally. To be honest,  I love doing things for him, cooking dinner, doing the laundry.  I find my place in these things.  It is almost as if Chris being home changes my identity as the mom that I so clearly set before myself the other nine months of the year.  My days have changed.  My mentality has changed.  I have become slothful in my relationship with my husband, my daughter and myself.  Blah. 

I know that time will smooth out the wrinkles that I have allowed to set over the last two weeks.  Yesterday I picked up my camera and captured the joy in my daughters eyes, pulled out my fabric scraps and let my mind wander through the folds.  I felt renewed.  Ready for the rest of the summer that lies ahead, for a renewed  understanding of household chores, redefining the title "mom", and a constant fight against the nagging desire to be slothful.  Bring it on summer...you have three months to do your best.
P.S. Chris, this in no way is saying that what you have done for our family in the last two weeks has been overlooked or that I am in any way ungrateful.  You have been beyond helpful.  It is just me dealing with my "indecisive" and "control" issues.  Thank you for all that you do.  Seriously...I could never have dreamed of being blessed with such a wonderful husband to share my life with, and such a wonderful father who loves to spoil the heck out of our little girl.  You are spectacularly awesome.  The End!

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