Our gym class season is coming to a close and because of our serious lack of funds we have decided not to continue into next fall. I haven't yet broken the news to Scarlett but I am hoping that her tiny two year old world will not be completely rocked. I have loved having something fun for Scarlett and I to do together during the week but I also realize that she is already 2 1/2 and getting closer and closer to becoming an independent "go to school a couple days a week" toddler. The terrifying thought of leaving Scarlett in a group of toddlers without my supervision, scares me to death. Not just the idea of leaving Scarlett for four hours with a complete stranger, but the idea of the trouble Scarlett could get into within those four hours of school time guidelines and another adult telling her what to do. I like to think that Chris and I have done a pretty good job teaching Scarlett the difference between right and wrong, but, she is still only 2 1/2 years old. She is in the midst of some serious willful power struggle days, she is strong and opinionated and still learning how to react when she is told the ungodly word ,"no". The thought of one teacher, balancing numerous children with equal power struggle resistance is terrifying.
I can't help but ask myself, "how will Scarlett react to every new scenario that is introduced without me there standing over her guiding her way"? The reality is...she will probably do better in the classroom than she would at home. It is a sad truth that EVERY time we pick Scarlett up from a babysitter, their response is always, "she ate so well, laughed all day, fell right to sleep, and pooped rainbows". I am beginning to understand that her resistance to authority is mainly founded in a resistance to parental authority, all other adults get a free pass from her dramatic breakdowns, her refusal to eat, and her incessant need to be cuddled before bedtime.
So, this summer Chris and I have decided to test the above "free pass" theory. A friend introduced me to a young woman named Lily, and Lily introduced me her 9 week summer school. I am completely apprehensive of dropping Scarlett off at a strange place for four straight hours and expecting her to be totally on board. I am preparing myself for the stories of refusal to share, refusal to eat, and refusal to learn. But I am also excited for this chance to introduce Scarlett to new friends and start slow on the "go to school by yourself" train. And let's be honest, this is a huge comfort for me, this summer I am slowly introducing myself to the idea that Scarlett won't be my baby girl forever, that she is and will continue to be an independent force of nature. She will make her own decisions and learn the consequences through trial and error. She will listen to other adults and respect what they have to say. She will learn independently from our home. And the more she grows the more I grow. This is the beauty of raising children. As much as we are teaching and shaping them they are in turn teaching and shaping us, one day at a time,one step at a time.
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