Chris and I were having a little pillow talk last week after I had a pretty successful day with the kids. Do you ever have those days, the ones where everything just works, and you feel extremely satisfied laying your head down at night? It was a day that drew every ounce of energy from my body, but my mouth wanted to remember every moment in detail. I threw word after word in Chris's direction, and he silently, attentively listened as I listed the perfection of one mundane action after another. I got the kids fed and washed and clothed with no fights, we played games, crafted, shopped, and laughed all day long. There were no outburst or hitting, we read books and I never once resorted to sticking them in front of the iPad for a moments peace. And then I blurted out the one sentence I never expected to here from my mouth, literally NEVER, "sometimes our family feels too small, like there is someone missing".
Our family is great, wonderful, perfect even, but there are days that it feels like we could be more. More nonsensical knock-knock jokes, more tiny laughter floating down the hall, more unstoppable toes dancing to Michael Jackson Pandora station. Now, this does not in any way mean that I have baby fever, nor does it mean I am prepared to have another one right now. My memory is going to have to do A LOT of fading before I convince myself I want to go through another 9 months of ankles the size of cantaloupes and a belly the size of a beach ball, but someday, I am open to the someday.
For now (and for a long time after now) I will enjoy this...the current, the perfection of my family of four, with the expectation that someday we might (possibly, don't get your hopes up) be more.
